Change

I cant tell you how many times I write blogs, long, in-depth, meaningful blogs and then erase them before I hit 'post'. Then I eventually go back and write something short and boring about moving, packing or a new house. I don't know why I cant bring myself to open up and share what it is that I really want to share. I feel like people know me as a young, care free sort of girl, and if I share my feelings people will think that I'm faking or trying to sound mature. But the truth of the matter is, I am mature! I have grown up so much in the last 2 years and I honestly do feel like a completely different person. I look at things differently, handle things differently, I want and strive for completely different things in my life. Everything I had 'planned' for myself has gone out the window with my new life (marriage) and I have a totally new and much better set of dreams and goals.

I'm scared to say things, to do things, because I am worried about what people will think or say about me. I don't want to be viewed differently, I just want people to realize that marriage really does change a person in such a dramatic way. Its a good thing, a very good thing. I am much less selfish, I cant just think of what I want to do, or where I want to be in my life. I have to think about US and what would be best for US. And most importantly, what God wants for US. God comes first, then my husband, and then myself. Rather than
myself, myself, myself and my friends like it used to be.

People are always telling me that I'm young and I need to enjoy myself well I still can. Well, I am enjoying myself, everyday. That doesn't mean I cant be mature about it. I don't have to go out every night,  and party on the weekends to enjoy myself. I love my life everyday and I wouldn't change it for anything. My 21st birthday is in a couple of weeks, and guess what I want to do.....NOTHING. I honestly have no desire to do anything....I would be totally happy just staying in and spending time with my husband. Although, if anyone knows Jesse at all, you know that wont happen :) He is too sweet to not let me do anything on my birthday.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am different now, and I don't want to be viewed as some little girl playing house wife. I'm not looking for attention or sympathy or anything at all!! I just want people to know that some thing have changed: I don't want to be a wedding planner anymore, I don't wear 3lbs of make-up everywhere I go, I don't want to be the center of attention, I don't walk around singing at the top of lungs, and I'm not...believe it or not...I am not nearly as prissy or afraid of bugs, snakes, creepers as I used to be. I can handle things on my own, I know how to cook, how to clean and how to be a respectable young lady. So please, remember that I am not 16 anymore and people do grow up and they do change..... for the better :)